D'aw - This is normally used when I find something completely adorable or am thinking about something I did which could have been changed. In this case, it's the second reason. Casually searching my room and I come across a birthday card from two years ago and within it, it said: You are a great friend in every possible way. I am lucky to have you. Yes, this would be cute but I'm not friends or even acquaintances with him anymore. Instantly, I felt uncontrollable guilt and a desire to want to try and patch things up again but I just know it'll never happen. I never go through with these things, they either happen in the spur of the moment or become an empty promise to myself - memories that never happened. It's pretty sad considering I was only a friend for a couple of months.
I want to beat myself with a glue stick now. I'm just kidding but I will sit in the corner and reflect upon the memories and things I say I'm going to do but never come around to doing. D'aw, sometimes I think it's better this way yet, at the same it isn't. I am capable of talking to him, it's just the fear of rejection and the pain that I could once again bring to him.
I wrote out everything, all my feelings and a summarised version of the story but I don't feel the need to share it. I feel happy now. It's all out, ah how blogging can make me feel at peace. No one will be seeing it, I guess. Maybe someone will but I have no intention of anyone seeing it now.
Well, toodles for now.
Saturday, 18 February 2012
Thursday, 16 February 2012
The Woman in Black
I saw The Woman in Black yesterday and it was okay, I guess. I was extremely disappointed considering that it had minimum relevance to the book itself - I've read it five times. I understand that the characters and events would happen different from someone else's perspective but it didn't keep the true meaning of the story; it didn't bring justice to Susan Hill.
Before I criticise anything, I don't think I should watch a horror movie in a cinema with screaming teenagers again. The worst experience ever. There were two teenage girls beside me who wouldn't stop laughing, no the movie wasn't funny at all so there was no reason to this and due to the never ending laughter, I was on the verge to snapping. To make matters better, the teenage boys behind me wouldn't stop threatening Arthur (Daniel Radcliffe) as he casually entered Eel Marsh House after being scarred (heh, wrong movie) emotionally. Comments such as: "I will slap him if he goes in there again" made the movie humorous.
This sounds insanely critical but it truly is. In the book, Arthur is remarried several years later after the death of his first wife and he is reflecting upon his traumatic experience. Sure, I can deal with this event not occurring but making his Arthur a widow from the start is pushing it a little. Further, many of the main events did not occur, such as: The Funeral of Mrs Drablow (this was the most important chapter to me as it contained the first sighting of the woman in black and Mr Jerome's reactions), Whistle and I'll come to You, and The Woman in Black (the irony). There may have been hints to these but it wasn't portrayed effectively. Trust me, if I hadn't have read the book before, I couldn't tell you the plot to this movie. Originally, I thought it was about a man who struggled to deal with this traumatic experience as he tries to gain control from announcing it to us (the audience) but now, I just don't know. There was too much going on and the simplicity was taken away.
Despite this, it did have good effects. I would say it passed as a horror movie as there were several screams from behind me in the cinema so I shall give credit to that. Also, I squealed when Jessica Raine came on the screen (major fan of Call the Midwife) so that was definitely a bonus for me.
It could have been the dreadful cinema experience or the movie itself that led to my bitterness for The Woman in Black but overall, I feel that there wasn't a real story line. I just didn't feel connected to it. Definitely sad to say that I wouldn't recommend it, it is time to bid you goodbye.
Mae
Tuesday, 14 February 2012
Valentines Day or Single Awareness Day?
Yosh, today is pretty normal to me. Nothing's changed and I don't feel particularly affectionate towards anyone just because it appears to be Valentines Day or Single Awareness Day - whatever you prefer. However, I do love the background story to it. If you don't know, here it is:
Apparently, it originated from St. Valentine, a Roman who was martyred for refusing to give up Christianity. He died on February 14, 269 A.D., the same day that had been devoted to love lotteries. Legend also says that St. Valentine left a farewell note for the jailer's daughter, who had become his friend, and signed it "From Your Valentine". Other aspects of the story say that Saint Valentine served as a priest at the temple during the reign of Emperor Claudius. Claudius then had Valentine jailed for defying him. In 496 A.D. Pope Gelasius set aside February 14 to honour St. Valentine.
That's a lot to read but it's a sweet story. Yet, I still don't see how it led to the red hearts and chocolates that we have today. Who really knows?
I've got to admit that I'm a hopeful romantic. Hopeful and maybe hopeless. That's right, failure at love (even if I haven't attempted it yet) and deemed to be "forever alone". I'm perfectly fine being alone, enjoying the love of others and sitting here shouting at the screen, "HE LOVES YOU!" when I feel obliged to. Heh, what am I doing? I want to fall in love one day, I want what I can't have now (you!) Yet, I don't think it's right to start something for the sake of it - a relationship per say.
No, I don't want to spend my day with someone I like but with my family. Well, it's not really a choice considering I have no plans and they happen to be around, in this very house or should I say, room. Awkward... I'll post a blog on feelings when I actually have those feelings but it seems now isn't the time for it.
Enjoy Valentines Day or Single Awareness Day! It's a normal day but meant for affection and watching heartbreaking movies and reading sappy books. Make the most of it as Pancake Day is coming soon!
Toodles!
Apparently, it originated from St. Valentine, a Roman who was martyred for refusing to give up Christianity. He died on February 14, 269 A.D., the same day that had been devoted to love lotteries. Legend also says that St. Valentine left a farewell note for the jailer's daughter, who had become his friend, and signed it "From Your Valentine". Other aspects of the story say that Saint Valentine served as a priest at the temple during the reign of Emperor Claudius. Claudius then had Valentine jailed for defying him. In 496 A.D. Pope Gelasius set aside February 14 to honour St. Valentine.
That's a lot to read but it's a sweet story. Yet, I still don't see how it led to the red hearts and chocolates that we have today. Who really knows?
I've got to admit that I'm a hopeful romantic. Hopeful and maybe hopeless. That's right, failure at love (even if I haven't attempted it yet) and deemed to be "forever alone". I'm perfectly fine being alone, enjoying the love of others and sitting here shouting at the screen, "HE LOVES YOU!" when I feel obliged to. Heh, what am I doing? I want to fall in love one day, I want what I can't have now (you!) Yet, I don't think it's right to start something for the sake of it - a relationship per say.
No, I don't want to spend my day with someone I like but with my family. Well, it's not really a choice considering I have no plans and they happen to be around, in this very house or should I say, room. Awkward... I'll post a blog on feelings when I actually have those feelings but it seems now isn't the time for it.
Enjoy Valentines Day or Single Awareness Day! It's a normal day but meant for affection and watching heartbreaking movies and reading sappy books. Make the most of it as Pancake Day is coming soon!
Toodles!
Monday, 13 February 2012
Fake?
Is it being fake if you don't show your entire personality to everyone? I question that. Someone told me that I was fake for not revealing my personality to everyone but I don't understand. Isn't being fake defined as "a thing that is not genuine; a forgery or sham."? This is not related to the simple unfolding of someone's personality because it IS true so I did find it quite offensive. Although I can understand that the slow revealing can be deceiving as someone may believe that this is your entire personality but I don't quite understand anymore.
It might be because I feel uncomfortable with people - all kinds of people, whether it's strangers or friends so I only show the playful side to friends and the shy side to strangers. Isn't this what everyone does? Is this really being fake? *sigh*
Maybe I should just move on and focus on everything else in life, well my life right now. It's not really important to listen to someone else's opinion of yourself and feel down. Yes, there are bad aspects to myself but also good parts as well. I guess that's what makes me smile in the end, heh. I've got to love myself, listen to myself and obviously, live for myself. - (It makes me wonder if you could live for someone else at one stage of your life; a child, a lover, a family member?)
Well, I decided to update a year later (a very bad blogger here) but I hope I've touched someone's heart with some of my old blogs, right? Aha, I do make myself laugh.
Toodles for now dearies.
Mae
It might be because I feel uncomfortable with people - all kinds of people, whether it's strangers or friends so I only show the playful side to friends and the shy side to strangers. Isn't this what everyone does? Is this really being fake? *sigh*
Maybe I should just move on and focus on everything else in life, well my life right now. It's not really important to listen to someone else's opinion of yourself and feel down. Yes, there are bad aspects to myself but also good parts as well. I guess that's what makes me smile in the end, heh. I've got to love myself, listen to myself and obviously, live for myself. - (It makes me wonder if you could live for someone else at one stage of your life; a child, a lover, a family member?)
Well, I decided to update a year later (a very bad blogger here) but I hope I've touched someone's heart with some of my old blogs, right? Aha, I do make myself laugh.
Toodles for now dearies.
Mae
Friday, 19 August 2011
Day 6 - Small ideas
I have had the chance to post today! I am satisfied with the smallest of things, for example, an ant crawling along the floor. Obviously, I haven't had much adventure in my life but I'd like to think that it is being observant in this huge world. Once big things are discovered, not many people take the chance to per say, glaze at the stars or watch the clouds float by. Well, not everyone thinks this as our minds work differently, and they have probably seen a lot more of the world then I have; It's nice to think this way with my simple mind when experiences shall come later in life. Hopefully...
I don't really have much time to blog today, however, I would be pleased to expand on this simpleton idea. I guess thinking everything is insignificant just shows that it is more important as it adds up to your life. This is not a lecture or speech that I force upon you but really a small thought, apart of a larger (hopefully) mind that hopes to inspire people, even one person. I bid you goodbye for now!
Mae
I don't really have much time to blog today, however, I would be pleased to expand on this simpleton idea. I guess thinking everything is insignificant just shows that it is more important as it adds up to your life. This is not a lecture or speech that I force upon you but really a small thought, apart of a larger (hopefully) mind that hopes to inspire people, even one person. I bid you goodbye for now!
Mae
Thursday, 18 August 2011
Day 5 - Dream like nightmare?
Key: Italics - My thoughts now! (Extremely important in the future!)
Bold - The thoughts in my dream (Not so important in the future)
I just remembered that I had an insane dream today, well technically yesterday since it's quite late, anyways, I will tell you about it. I had recently transferred schools, this would mean that it was a new country, new people and new rules. Sure, I assume this must have been America as everyone kept on talking about a mall opening, (sorry if there is malls in other countries) I was utterly confused. Then I realised that I was correct... It was included in the name of the school, I was in California. What an idiot to not realise that! Despite being in America, I couldn't help but feel like the school was influenced by the Japanese, the layout of the classrooms, dress code and culture. Everything was beautiful.
The lessons weren't the same either. I had to do flower arrangements, play chess and use ink for all paintings. Sorry for the stereotypical dream, even though chess isn't really subdued to Japan, regardless, of this, I have used ink in my art. It was peaceful up until a point where students started to stare aimlessly at me, like I didn't belong. I know I didn't but I wanted to stay so I tried to blend into the crowd: straighten my hair, wear dull colours, even eat in isolated places, yet all this seemed useless. No one noticed my attempts to become another face in the crowd, I was still the intruder in this school even when there was a new student yet to arrive.
After that new boy entered, the students suddenly took an interest in him. Although it was relieving to get the attention away from me, there was a thought back in my mind which envied him. Was it only me that this happened to? I thought. The only thought which was permanently engraved in my mind ever since his first day....
Then I woke up! Sorry for the sad dream, lack of descriptions, bad sentence structures and lack of knowledge to use interesting words! I guess this is pretty much me, I understand it yet no one else does but I hope that my dream wasn't too hard to understand! The pessimistic attitude surfaces yet again...
I need to tell you that I can't update tomorrow since I have to go to my grandma's house, hehe. Yes, I am not ditching the blog now and I will make up for the unwritten blog that doesn't get done! If I manage to post a blog then great! If not, the same amount of blogs will be posted. Bye for now!
Mae
Bold - The thoughts in my dream (Not so important in the future)
I just remembered that I had an insane dream today, well technically yesterday since it's quite late, anyways, I will tell you about it. I had recently transferred schools, this would mean that it was a new country, new people and new rules. Sure, I assume this must have been America as everyone kept on talking about a mall opening, (sorry if there is malls in other countries) I was utterly confused. Then I realised that I was correct... It was included in the name of the school, I was in California. What an idiot to not realise that! Despite being in America, I couldn't help but feel like the school was influenced by the Japanese, the layout of the classrooms, dress code and culture. Everything was beautiful.
The lessons weren't the same either. I had to do flower arrangements, play chess and use ink for all paintings. Sorry for the stereotypical dream, even though chess isn't really subdued to Japan, regardless, of this, I have used ink in my art. It was peaceful up until a point where students started to stare aimlessly at me, like I didn't belong. I know I didn't but I wanted to stay so I tried to blend into the crowd: straighten my hair, wear dull colours, even eat in isolated places, yet all this seemed useless. No one noticed my attempts to become another face in the crowd, I was still the intruder in this school even when there was a new student yet to arrive.
After that new boy entered, the students suddenly took an interest in him. Although it was relieving to get the attention away from me, there was a thought back in my mind which envied him. Was it only me that this happened to? I thought. The only thought which was permanently engraved in my mind ever since his first day....
Then I woke up! Sorry for the sad dream, lack of descriptions, bad sentence structures and lack of knowledge to use interesting words! I guess this is pretty much me, I understand it yet no one else does but I hope that my dream wasn't too hard to understand! The pessimistic attitude surfaces yet again...
I need to tell you that I can't update tomorrow since I have to go to my grandma's house, hehe. Yes, I am not ditching the blog now and I will make up for the unwritten blog that doesn't get done! If I manage to post a blog then great! If not, the same amount of blogs will be posted. Bye for now!
Mae
Wednesday, 17 August 2011
Day 4 - Cute children!
A child of the age of 6 just told me that I was adorable. That is cute, hearing that from a child, I think that's the best compliment that I have ever received. It may be odd but I appreciate a child's opinion especially when they are super cute themselves, heh.
Although I get highly irritated when something goes wrong, I can't help but admire children. I probably won't work with them but their presence brings me joy, aw. This is probably just me as I am being extremely nostalgic: remembering not remembering, laughing unconsciously and being able to play all the time. The reflection of childhood is pretty much nostalgic to many people, maybe even everyone so the attitude towards children may be lighter, fluffy and in awe? This isn't entirely the case as there has been cases of child abuse, abandoned children and infant mortality so their lives are sometimes short lived.
The main message of this is observing all the people around you, especially children as they are one, the future and two, guaranteed to make you smile, even if this doesn't apply to every child. V_V My pretentious face, as you would like to know.
Anyways, bye for now!
Mae
Although I get highly irritated when something goes wrong, I can't help but admire children. I probably won't work with them but their presence brings me joy, aw. This is probably just me as I am being extremely nostalgic: remembering not remembering, laughing unconsciously and being able to play all the time. The reflection of childhood is pretty much nostalgic to many people, maybe even everyone so the attitude towards children may be lighter, fluffy and in awe? This isn't entirely the case as there has been cases of child abuse, abandoned children and infant mortality so their lives are sometimes short lived.
The main message of this is observing all the people around you, especially children as they are one, the future and two, guaranteed to make you smile, even if this doesn't apply to every child. V_V My pretentious face, as you would like to know.
Anyways, bye for now!
Mae
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