Should I stay or should I go?

So I was accepted into a college which I've always wanted to go, yet, I have this feelings that doesn't want to go. I don't know what I should do, it's beyond expectations and would be extremely benefical but I don't want to leave my friends. I love them. Yes, if you truly love them, you should make the effort to be with them but I don't know if I could still maintain the same relationship with them. The college is further than the school I currently go to so I will have to be productive and prepared to hike there every morning, with a chance of rejection and no guarantee that I will be happy.

Here's another thing: it's an all girls college and I haven't been the most confident person around girls, I just don't feel myself so it's going to be harder to socialise. Ah, what's stopping me? I can definitely do it because I believe in myself and I want a fresh start!

See the sudden chance in attitude? I am too indecisive. Dear oh dear, will I stay or will I go? Aha, make myself laugh with a song but this is a serious issue I should consider! Wish me luck, lovelies!

Toodles!

Just found a love for my birthday!

N'aw, it's my birthday today. I have the cutest friends and it shocks me that I have never realised until now. Sure, I started the day with the usual waking up early to exercise for 30 minutes at school until the lessons begin. N'aw, I'm just too happy, I've been smiling at everyone I see. I was literally bombarded with gifts - I nearly fell off the bus, dear oh dear.

Yet, it's not about the gifts. I was told several times that my friends must love me because of them but I truly love them for putting up with my stupidness and slowness. It's been several years and I will never forget them - not one of them. ♥

You see, my emotions are pretty much happy. This is a time when I am truly happy with no fear or regret but happiness. It's not just my friends, it's even the random people that will smile at you or comment "Happy Birthday" as well that make me zealous. You begin to see the light, not in a bad way but I feel free.

N'aw, that's enough from me. Aw, I feel so lovey now, but embrace your friends and family and random strangers. Be kind and like or at least try to feel enthusiastic about your birthday. You're never going to remain young forever so live now! A bit too corny but it's true!

N'aw, toodles from me dearies!

Discovered birthday card!

D'aw - This is normally used when I find something completely adorable or am thinking about something I did which could have been changed. In this case, it's the second reason. Casually searching my room and I come across a birthday card from two years ago and within it, it said: You are a great friend in every possible way. I am lucky to have you. Yes, this would be cute but I'm not friends or even acquaintances with him anymore. Instantly, I felt uncontrollable guilt and a desire to want to try and patch things up again but I just know it'll never happen. I never go through with these things, they either happen in the spur of the moment or become an empty promise to myself - memories that never happened. It's pretty sad considering I was only a friend for a couple of months.

I want to beat myself with a glue stick now. I'm just kidding but I will sit in the corner and reflect upon the memories and things I say I'm going to do but never come around to doing. D'aw, sometimes I think it's better this way yet, at the same it isn't. I am capable of talking to him, it's just the fear of rejection and the pain that I could once again bring to him.

I wrote out everything, all my feelings and a summarised version of the story but I don't feel the need to share it. I feel happy now. It's all out, ah how blogging can make me feel at peace. No one will be seeing it, I guess. Maybe someone will but I have no intention of anyone seeing it now.

Well, toodles for now.

The Woman in Black

I saw The Woman in Black yesterday and it was okay, I guess. I was extremely disappointed considering that it had minimum relevance to the book itself - I've read it five times. I understand that the characters and events would happen different from someone else's perspective but it didn't keep the true meaning of the story; it didn't bring justice to Susan Hill.

Before I criticise anything, I don't think I should watch a horror movie in a cinema with screaming teenagers again. The worst experience ever. There were two teenage girls beside me who wouldn't stop laughing, no the movie wasn't funny at all so there was no reason to this and due to the never ending laughter, I was on the verge to snapping. To make matters better, the teenage boys behind me wouldn't stop threatening Arthur (Daniel Radcliffe) as he casually entered Eel Marsh House after being scarred (heh, wrong movie) emotionally. Comments such as: "I will slap him if he goes in there again" made the movie humorous.

This sounds insanely critical but it truly is. In the book, Arthur is remarried several years later after the death of his first wife and he is reflecting upon his traumatic experience. Sure, I can deal with this event not occurring but making his Arthur a widow from the start is pushing it a little. Further, many of the main events did not occur, such as: The Funeral of Mrs Drablow (this was the most important chapter to me as it contained the first sighting of the woman in black and Mr Jerome's reactions), Whistle and I'll come to You, and The Woman in Black (the irony). There may have been hints to these but it wasn't portrayed effectively. Trust me, if I hadn't have read the book before, I couldn't tell you the plot to this movie. Originally, I thought it was about a man who struggled to deal with this traumatic experience as he tries to gain control from announcing it to us (the audience) but now, I just don't know. There was too much going on and the simplicity was taken away.

Despite this, it did have good effects. I would say it passed as a horror movie as there were several screams from behind me in the cinema so I shall give credit to that. Also, I squealed when Jessica Raine came on the screen (major fan of Call the Midwife) so that was definitely a bonus for me.

It could have been the dreadful cinema experience or the movie itself that led to my bitterness for The Woman in Black but overall, I feel that there wasn't a real story line. I just didn't feel connected to it. Definitely sad to say that I wouldn't recommend it, it is time to bid you goodbye.

Mae

Valentines Day or Single Awareness Day?

Yosh, today is pretty normal to me. Nothing's changed and I don't feel particularly affectionate towards anyone just because it appears to be Valentines Day or Single Awareness Day - whatever you prefer. However, I do love the background story to it. If you don't know, here it is:
Apparently, it originated from St. Valentine, a Roman who was martyred for refusing to give up Christianity. He died on February 14, 269 A.D., the same day that had been devoted to love lotteries. Legend also says that St. Valentine left a farewell note for the jailer's daughter, who had become his friend, and signed it "From Your Valentine". Other aspects of the story say that Saint Valentine served as a priest at the temple during the reign of Emperor Claudius. Claudius then had Valentine jailed for defying him. In 496 A.D. Pope Gelasius set aside February 14 to honour St. Valentine.

That's a lot to read but it's a sweet story. Yet, I still don't see how it led to the red hearts and chocolates that we have today. Who really knows?

I've got to admit that I'm a hopeful romantic. Hopeful and maybe hopeless. That's right, failure at love (even if I haven't attempted it yet) and deemed to be "forever alone". I'm perfectly fine being alone, enjoying the love of others and sitting here shouting at the screen, "HE LOVES YOU!" when I feel obliged to. Heh, what am I doing? I want to fall in love one day, I want what I can't have now (you!) Yet, I don't think it's right to start something for the sake of it - a relationship per say.

No, I don't want to spend my day with someone I like but with my family. Well, it's not really a choice considering I have no plans and they happen to be around, in this very house or should I say, room. Awkward... I'll post a blog on feelings when I actually have those feelings but it seems now isn't the time for it.

Enjoy Valentines Day or Single Awareness Day! It's a normal day but meant for affection and watching heartbreaking movies and reading sappy books. Make the most of it as Pancake Day is coming soon!

Toodles!

Fake?

Is it being fake if you don't show your entire personality to everyone? I question that. Someone told me that I was fake for not revealing my personality to everyone but I don't understand. Isn't being fake defined as "a thing that is not genuine; a forgery or sham."? This is not related to the simple unfolding of someone's personality because it IS true so I did find it quite offensive. Although I can understand that the slow revealing can be deceiving as someone may believe that this is your entire personality but I don't quite understand anymore.
It might be because I feel uncomfortable with people - all kinds of people, whether it's strangers or friends so I only show the playful side to friends and the shy side to strangers. Isn't this what everyone does? Is this really being fake? *sigh*

Maybe I should just move on and focus on everything else in life, well my life right now. It's not really important to listen to someone else's opinion of yourself and feel down. Yes, there are bad aspects to myself but also good parts as well. I guess that's what makes me smile in the end, heh. I've got to love myself, listen to myself and obviously, live for myself. - (It makes me wonder if you could  live for someone else at one stage of your life; a child, a lover, a family member?)

Well, I decided to update a year later (a very bad blogger here) but I hope I've touched someone's heart with some of my old blogs, right? Aha, I do make myself laugh.

Toodles for now dearies.

Mae