D'aw - This is normally used when I find something completely adorable or am thinking about something I did which could have been changed. In this case, it's the second reason. Casually searching my room and I come across a birthday card from two years ago and within it, it said: You are a great friend in every possible way. I am lucky to have you. Yes, this would be cute but I'm not friends or even acquaintances with him anymore. Instantly, I felt uncontrollable guilt and a desire to want to try and patch things up again but I just know it'll never happen. I never go through with these things, they either happen in the spur of the moment or become an empty promise to myself - memories that never happened. It's pretty sad considering I was only a friend for a couple of months.
I want to beat myself with a glue stick now. I'm just kidding but I will sit in the corner and reflect upon the memories and things I say I'm going to do but never come around to doing. D'aw, sometimes I think it's better this way yet, at the same it isn't. I am capable of talking to him, it's just the fear of rejection and the pain that I could once again bring to him.
I wrote out everything, all my feelings and a summarised version of the story but I don't feel the need to share it. I feel happy now. It's all out, ah how blogging can make me feel at peace. No one will be seeing it, I guess. Maybe someone will but I have no intention of anyone seeing it now.
Well, toodles for now.
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